Losing a home, moving, being apart from dad, and dealing with ADHD. How can a child cope with everything?

Gleb

When her husband called to inform her that the war had begun, Gleb was sleeping in his crib at home in his native Severodonetsk. Nastya paused over her son, reluctant to wake him. But she is a journalist, her husband is in the military, and their address had long been published on the websites of the terrorist "DPR." Sooner or later, they would come for them, and staying was out of the question.

Gleb grabbed his little backpack, packed a few small toys, and they left on an evacuation train. “We sat down and had no idea where we would get off,” Nastya recalls about February 24. They ended up in Uzhhorod and then traveled to Slovakia.

Her mother remained in Severodonetsk. “I was in despair,” Nastya says. “I worried about both my mother and my husband. In that difficult moment, I couldn't be a support for Gleb because I was under stress myself. Sometimes I would snap and yell. I felt ashamed afterward and would ask for forgiveness. When he started to have tics, I blamed myself a lot because I thought I had broken my child.”

After four months in Slovakia, Nastya and Gleb moved to Dnipro. Many of their acquaintances from Severodonetsk were already living there, and it was easier for Gleb's father to visit during short vacations. Gleb started kindergarten and then went to school.

The boy didn't reminisce about home or express that he missed it. However, he broke down in tears when he saw a children's tent similar to the one he had at home. In a letter, he wrote: “We, Ukrainians, will win, and then we will go to Severodonetsk.”

School

Initially, school was fine. But Gleb disliked homework; he found it hard to write and could not concentrate. His mother helped him with everything.

After the spring break, the situation worsened. The mere mention of the word "school" would trigger a tantrum in the boy. He absolutely did not want to go there. “I took him out; we did some studying at home. But I saw that something unhealthy was happening,” Nastya says. “I suffered, thinking I was doing something wrong. It felt so heavy, as if a boulder was pressing down on me. I had no one to share the responsibility with—my husband visited very rarely.”

Psychologist

Nastya took Gleb to a psychologist at the charity fund "Voices of Children." Julia Sakharova, who worked with Gleb, describes him as an animated child with fluctuating moods. He did not open up right away. “Two relocations and separation from his father—this is all a significant stress for him, which has turned into constant anxiety,” the psychologist explains.

During the sessions, Julia talked to Gleb about feelings, helping him recognize needs, manage emotions, and reactions. Through drawings, they explored why Gleb screamed. They discussed how shouting could be replaced with words to express what he was missing at that moment. This way, they discovered that sometimes during a tantrum, Gleb wanted hugs.

About the third visit, the boy began attending sessions with joy: “Previously, he didn’t engage much in dialogue; he would shut down and find it hard to communicate,” the psychologist says, “but here he is lively, engaged, telling stories. He started smiling and greeting me! One day I walked in, and he said, ‘Julia, hi! How are you?’”

Nastya laughed: “We have changes.”

Julia nodded: “I see!”

She also noticed that Gleb's mother needed help—to recover and have the strength to raise her son not only during the difficult times of war but also while coping with a diagnosis she had recently learned about.

More than anything, Nastya says, conversations helped her: “Talking about myself, my feelings, and what’s happening is very healing. After several meetings with the psychologist, I began to feel more confident and no longer thought that everything was terrible.”

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Nastya was not scared when Gleb was referred to a psychiatrist, and the established diagnosis— ADHD—even brought her relief: finally, it became clear how to act. Nastya began to study, joined a community of people with ADHD on Facebook, and read their stories, advice, and comments. She realized that ADHD is much more than “a child who is always running around.” There can be various manifestations: tantrums, impulsivity, accompanying disorders. Gleb, for example, had nervous tics.

The more Nastya studied the topic, the more she changed her attitude toward Gleb's behavior. She felt more sympathy and demanded less. He would tell her: “Please, just have some pity on me.”

“This is perhaps the main thing: not to scold due to emotions but to support,” Nastya says. “It can be tough because there is a prejudice that a child at a certain age should behave more maturely. What we forgive a toddler for at three years old, we don’t expect from a schoolboy. But with ADHD, the ability to control oneself may be less developed, and this needs to be taken into account. I no longer scold my son when he doesn’t want to leave the playground and falls on the grass. I go up to him, hug him, and say that it’s okay. I say, ‘Let me comfort you, we’ll calm down and go.’ It’s the same with homework. I no longer think that he is doing these assignments out of spite for two hours. I understand that this is a difficult process for him. I don’t scold him; I praise him. And this brings results. He has become more relaxed. He calms down faster when something unpleasant happens.”

This school year, Gleb returned to school. He is now studying individually with a teacher. This way, it’s easier for him; there’s no noise, no other kids, nothing to distract him. Anastasia finds it hard to say whether Gleb will return to classroom lessons. For now, she is simply delighted and amazed that he is studying. And most importantly, he is comfortable.

“When a child has some visible health issue, it’s easy to sympathize,” Nastya reflects. “But when it’s a behavioral problem, it’s much harder to feel sorry. There’s a temptation to slip into criticism. But this is a characteristic of the child. Like the color of their eyes. The child doesn’t choose it. Children with ADHD are not spoiled or malicious; they want to please their parents. Our task is to be on the child’s side, help them socialize, and achieve a moment when they can better control themselves.”

How to Recognize This Syndrome in a Child

Child psychiatrist at the "Voices of Children" fund, Natalia Masyak, states that early diagnosis and proper correction of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder significantly improve the quality of life for the child and their family.

Parents may suspect the symptoms of ADHD — attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

ADHD — a disorder — is considered a complex diagnosis that does not lend itself easily to correction. It is diagnosed after attempts to correct ADHD have been made without success.

Symptoms may differ between boys and girls and can vary in intensity. Not all symptoms need to be present in every child with ADHD. The disorders manifest in three main areas:

• inattention: difficulties concentrating, disorganization, forgetfulness, and problems completing tasks;
• hyperactivity: restlessness, fidgeting, excessive talking, and difficulty sitting still;
• impulsivity: acting without thinking, interrupting others, impatience, and difficulty waiting.

If these symptoms affect daily life — for example, if the child finds it hard to learn or build relationships due to inattention, is constantly losing things, feels anxious, has low self-esteem, behaves recklessly, and is conflict-prone, — it is advisable to consult a doctor.

If behavioral and educational strategies do not yield results, Masyak states that it is reasonable to consider medication, but this is a decision only a child psychiatrist can make.

Evaluating ADHD typically involves a comprehensive assessment in several stages:

• Clinical interview: a psychologist or child psychiatrist gathers information about symptoms, history of complaints, behavioral characteristics, and any related emotional or intellectual issues.